A Bud of ‘Hope’

Hey Guys! It’s been long since I blogged and hence, this blog will be about updating you what’s been happening in my life in these last few months. But firstly, I hope everyone’s doing fine during this pandemic. I know for most of us things have been difficult, but at least we are safe and in a better place.

As mentioned earlier I am completing my master’s in Fashion Business at the London College of Fashion. For many fashion students, it’s a dream to be able to study there and I am grateful to be one of them. London has taught me a lot. I had lived independently in the past but experience in London was different altogether. With butterflies in my stomach and dreams in my eyes, I came to London. When I saw LCF for the first time I could feel my heart beating fast and the college was what I imagined it to be. Huge campus, a library full of books that I could spend my life reading, cheerful people, and the most supportive staff. The first month passed by adjusting to the new climate, people, and studies. However, soon after things started getting odd. I guess I underestimated my masters as it was far tougher than I thought it to be. It was a whole new format that needed intensive studies and honestly, I wasn’t prepared for it.

Soon winter started and the weather started getting gloomier and one after other things got difficult to deal with. I was missing my closed ones, home-cooked food, and most importantly the drive that got me to London. I lost all the energy to get me back on track and then started my depression phase. For days I didn’t do anything and binged on Netflix all day all night. I had no motivation to work, to study, or even to get out of my bed. I knew that something’s definitely wrong with me but I was unable to understand. I gained weight, felt that I’m not good enough for anything, and had my emotions overflowing. I have a coping mechanism where whenever I feel low I persuade myself and get it together. But this time it was different and I knew I needed help. Not many know about my depression and the ones who did mocked and told me it’s just nothing. No one understood what’s actually happening and honestly neither did I. I sought help from a counselor who made me understand why I’m feeling this way. To feel better about myself I kept myself engaged and did things that I love. I painted, exercised, cooked, and tried to be active as much as possible. Somewhere I knew things will be back to normal and I never stopped working towards it.

Later in March with the COVID-19 situation on the peak I had to come back to India and coming back to my family gradually healed me. However, for the first 14 days, I was separated from my family but soon we were back together and I started feeling much better. I canceled my appointments as I no longer felt a need to see my counselor again. The strangest part is I’m happy to go person and I never thought I would go through depression. Friends used to text me saying “Oh! you are living your life”, but no one knew the struggle I was going through. Back when few of my friends told me about their depression I tried to help them, but my experience taught me you can’t understand the way another person is feeling and the best help you can do is ‘listen’ without judging and let them vent it out. Ask them to seek expert advice and never leave them alone in the process. Be sensitive towards them and rather than mocking, believe them. It’s surely a difficult phase but we can overcome it with sheer determination and hope.

I never intended to share my story on a public platform but during this pandemic, a lot of us are facing depression, and all I wanted to pass on was a little ‘hope’. It’s the only way to keep ourselves afloat in tough times waiting for the storm to pass and start living again. Till then let pass it on.

Stay motivated and keep smiling!

11 thoughts on “A Bud of ‘Hope’”

  1. Brief but tells a lot about how a sudden changes in life can affect you so much. Ofcourse mental health is something one should always take seriously, be it their own or someone elses. I understand what being mocked in this situation feels like. It is absolutely beautiful that you have expressed yourself. Never hold back to anything.

  2. Ray of Hope!
    Depression —> Made you active —> Painting, Cooking,Exercise name it and you activate it, off-course things that you love!
    Covid? Connected you —> family —> Healed you!
    Moral of the story? Made you stronger ? and now your Bud of Hope for Others!
    Let me know your thoughts

    1. Hey girl,

      Wanted to check up on you? How are you feeling? Are your spirits filled with those buds of hope? We, you and I do care for humanity

  3. Hi,

    Good to see that you are back on track. That’s what we all want with our lives. All we need is a little bit of a motivation to realise what we can do. Depression can only be healed with synergy and inspiration.

    Stay blessed! 😊

  4. You are strong girl..!! And glad that u recover all the things strongly …stay blessed dear take care 😇

  5. It takes courage to speak out about mental health which is one of the major issues in the society nowadays. I applaud your courage and hope you’re doing fine now. Also, I would like to suggest to do some meditation as it improves the state of our mind and heals us internally. Take care of yourself. You’re a wonderful person ❤️

    1. Thank you for your kind words. I’m trying to incorporate meditation in my daily routine and till now it has worked out well 🙂

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